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The Illusion of Order: When 'Civilized' Means 'Sterilized'

 I remember my first visit to the United States over a decade ago. Landing from my small, bustling hometown of Meerut, India, I was instantly awestruck. The silence, the systematic flow of traffic, the lack of honking—it was a world engineered for flawless human convenience. Everything was neat, clean, and in order . For nearly a year, I was hypnotized. I praised this country for its efficiency, its cleanliness, and, notably, its lack of stray animals . Where were the dogs, the cows, the insects that are a normal part of life back home? The US, I thought, was truly a superior model of civilization. My clothes never even collected dust; it seemed the entire landscape was sterilized. But as the years passed, the hypnosis began to fade. I started asking a darker question: What is the price of this perfect order? The Cost of the Empty Road My initial praise for the US was based on what I didn't see: no stray animals, no swarming insects, no dust. I realized this absence wasn't a s...
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Pursuing Master of Computer Application at the Age of 44

 The headline of this article tells a lot about what it will be about.

This is my story and I am Himanshu Tomar. Why does it matter that someone read my personal story?

I am just writing down my mind here. This is the shape of the shapeless and endless thoughts that keeps running through my mind all day.


I wanted to pursue master of computer application when I was 23.

I did a one-year certificate course from NIIT when I was in college and that is when I got the idea that I should pursue my career in this field.

I wanted to take admission in JNU, Jawaharlal University, but the seats were limited and the competition was tough, which I was not able to clear.

I went to my dad's friend to have some career suggestions, and he diverted me to pursue MBA.

Now, at the age of 44 I feel that it was the worst suggestion of my life, and more than that it was the worst decision of my life.

Always and ever I had felt that I am a technical person. I am good in messing with machines and not in managing humans.

Pursuing master of business administration from Master School of Management, Meerut, put my life on a completely different track.

First I was burdened with an education loan of 1 lakh. Back then at the age of 22, I was not mature enough to handle the pressure of this education loan.

I wanted to get on a job badly and I don't want to sit at home even for one day.

In this life being diverted by my fate I lost track of what I should be doing.

Now, my earning has stagnated, and since I am almost 44 it has become difficult for me to find job, since I am competing against 25 to 30 age bracket.

I am earning 5.4 LPA as a content writer and in a city like Chandigarh it is difficult to move ahead, given the fact that I do not have a technical background, meaning I do not have a bachelor of technology in computer science or master of computer application degree.

This is the reason to improve my earning potential I am thinking of pursuing an MCA degree.

I do not know how much benefit it will give me, as I am already 44. Learning new things are difficult now, and my mind is certainly not active as a 24 year old.

I have started learning AWS cloud practioner course, particularly because it is available free at present on amazon skill builder. 

It will tell me as to where I stand at this moment, how good my learning ability is.

In case anyone has suggestion on how I should go about it, kindly share their thoughts in the comment section.

When I get optimistic I feel that if I have good knowledge after completing MCA than I will be able to earn much more. As I am already having lot of experience, a good company would want to hire a person like me.

But when I get pessimistic, I feel that I will be beaten by 25 year old who will be competing for the same job.

But I also think that, If I get good knowledge after completing MCA than I can create my applications and will be able to earn through them.

Let's see what happens, as of now, I want to complete the AWS cloud practioner thing as quickly as possible. I have not be regular in studying that, which is a big minus. 

I will keep updating this section as new developments take place. stay tuned, and please don't forget to mention whatever you feel good or bad or even if you want to make fun of my idea.


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Location: PQJ5+X98, Fragrance Garden Rd, 36B, Sector 36, Chandigarh, 160036, India

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